Flawed Cards

Something has been nagging the back of my mind.

In St. Augustine, we thought it would be fun to get our cards read. We stopped at a small shop that resembled more of a haunted house. The owner was a girl in her mid-twenties. She had gaged ears, a shaved head, and gray eyes that she held wide open as if she had just seen a ghost. Superstition radiated off of her. Now, I’ll admit that I have had my moments of superstition, but getting my cards read was purely for shits and giggles. I expected to feel neutral about the results, whether they were good or bad.

She had me shuffle the cards, and while I did so I had to reflect on myself. She told me to close my eyes and mentally disconnect myself from my surroundings. I was to be completely one with myself.

I let my instincts tell me when to stop shuffling.

She told me to take my non-dominant hand and separate the cards into three stacks.

After this was done, she paused and gave me a curious stare. She then picked up the stacks, folded them into each other, and held the cards to her chest with her eyes closed. She murmured something.

Three cards were laid in front of me, representing the past, present, and future:

• Past: THE ACE OF PENTACLES (which was upside-down)
• Present: THE HERMIT
• Future: THE WORLD

 

The Ace of Pentacles (reversed): Difficulty getting a project started or finished on time or to satisfaction. Inability to handle a basic, debilitating fear. Distrust towards your “inner” voice. You must draw off your “inner” strengths to manifest what you want in both the internal and external worlds. The time has come for you to leave the familiar behind and travel through the Gateway to the mountains of wisdom. You have learned how material gifts can be abused by selfishness, by extreme competition or mistrust, by an over-dependency on security and comfort. Use this knowledge and wisdom to deal with your problems. It is time for you to move on – grow up and assert your independence.

• The reversed Ace of Pentacles indicates a time when you try to manifest your goals but you do not get very far along due to delays and other impediments to your plans. If your success is limited. 
• The reversed Ace of Pentacles can indicate corruption, greed and taking what one has not earned. Be careful that you are not being overly opportunistic and exploiting others as you strive towards higher profits and earnings.
• You may also be blinded by an obsession for greater financial accumulation and wealth, at the expense of other areas of your life.

The Hermit: The Hermit in the present position means you’ve got to look within for answers. You know all you need, you just need to contemplate for a bit. Like an ancient astronomer trying to work out the fabric of the universe; you have all the tools you need, you just need to work on your own thoughts and perception. In regards to life issues:

• Work / Education – The Hermit in regards to work or education means you need to hunker down and get on with it. You’ve learnt the theory, now is time to put it into practice.
• Romance – The Hermit is not a good card in regards to romance. It might not be the right time to pursue any romantic relationships right now.
• Friends – The Hermit in regards to friendship means much the same as romance. Working with like-minded people on a similar wavelength will always be good, however, but don’t push yourself to socialise.
• Health – The Hermit could mean a few things in regards to health. If something is worrying you, and has for ages, be careful not to act like a hermit and not mention it to anybody. This could be a physical or mental problem you’re having. Talk about it and get a second opinion from somebody you trust.
• Spirituality and Mentality – The Hermit shows it is a good time to think about spirituality. Soul searching and self reflecting are things to consider doing.

The World: The World in the future position suggests that you need to find your destiny. You may not believe you have a purpose, but even as a single person, you can make change. Don’t be afraid of failure, take up a new project and run with it. Think about what you want from life, are you currently on the path to do this?

• Work / Education – The World in regards to work or education means that you might feel like you’ve run your course in your current occupation. If you’re in college, you might feel like a change is needed. There are many aspects of our life when we feel like this. If there is nothing else to learn, the mystery changes to mundanity, and we become like cogs in a machine. You need to look elsewhere, even if you’re happy in your job or schooling, there could be so many other great opportunities elsewhere.
• Romance – The World in romance is a good sign. You can reach a level of understanding with your partner that will take you to new heights and enjoyment. Likewise, if you are single and looking, The World can represent the ending of the cycle of singledom and the start of a relationship very soon. treat it all as a cycle.
• Friends – The World in regards to friendship means you may take up some new activity with your friends. It’ll likely be introduced  as a trend and take off, but it’ll be something you enjoy together. If you’re worried about your friendships, it might be that you’ve outgrown them, or the opposite. You need to keep people around you who are supportive, inspiring and motivating.
• Health – The World is mixed when it comes to health. Ending of cycles and starts of others can mean that an illness is going to abate. It can also mean that you will take to heart a whole new way of living. Have you tried being vegetarian, or having a similar changed diet? There are many ways you can change what you intake which make you feel different about your body. Everything you take into your body contributes to it; take in rubbish, and you’ll feel like it. Take in clean natural food, and you’ll feel the difference.
• Spirituality and Mentality – The World in spirituality might mean a massive overhaul of your belief system. You may feel you’ve learned it all. Do not throw away your core beliefs, but use other systems to contribute to it. Eclectic belief systems are just as valid as an established one. You know what is right for you.

The Ace of Pentacles accurately represents my struggle between desires and goals. The Hermit card describes exactly what I am doing right now: soul searching and self-improvement. The World card urges me to follow my heart because it will lead me to a happy, successful path.

So why are my results so unsettling? Why are they haunting my every thought?

Maybe it’s because my life looked so simple laid out in front of me in three cards: I struggled, I’m changing, and then I’ll succeed. Boom, boom, boom. After that, I’m done. I was, I am, I will be, and then I’m not. Why is everything going by so fucking fast. I just need to breath. I feel like have all the time in the world, yet no time at all. Why the fuck am I sitting in a coffee shop right now when I should be living and succeeding? How am I supposed to know what choices to make? There’s so many and each one will lead me on a different path. God I feel like I could rip my hair out, it’s all so confusing yet so simple. How is it so simple? Am I going to spend the rest of my life worrying about how to spend the rest of my life?  I feel like I’m going to die before I’ve lived.